Single and Choosy - Thoughts on Chemistry and Compatibility

I am a greatly blessed man.

Family members and friends have been telling me that when it comes to selection of a life partner, I am a very blessed man to have so many good choices (fine eligible single Christian ladies) around me. I agree with them.

And they wonder (aloud, many times) why I am still single.

FRIENDLY INTERROGATIONS

A few who are closer to me sometimes turn friendly interrogators and bombard me with probing questions such as "Are you too choosy?"; "Are you enjoying your freedom as a single person so much that you are not willing to give it up?", and lo and behold, "Are you straight?".

"ARE YOU STRAIGHT?"

Let me address the last question first, to dispel any lingering doubts anyone may have about my sexual orientation. I am a red-blooded male who is 100% straight. I find myself attracted only to women.

I was not sexually attracted to another male, am not, and never will be.

"ARE YOU NOT WILLING TO GIVE UP YOUR FREEDOM AS A SINGLE?"

As for the question about my willingness, or rather, my unwillingness to give up freedom as a single person, my answer is: It is not so much about the willingness to give up freedom as it is the readiness to take up responsibilites.

When I think about the prospect of marriage, it never occurred to me that I should ask myself, "Am I willing to give up my freedom as a single person?".

The more pertinent question for me is, "Am I ready to take up responsibities as a married man?". To which my honest answer is, "Yes, I believe I am ready, by the grace of God".

"ARE YOU TOO CHOOSY?"

So, that leaves me (and my friendly interrogators) with only one question: "Are you are too choosy?"

I find that a difficult question to answer. Over the years, I adjusted my response as I experienced more of life and grew as a person. But initially, I have always maintained that I don't consider myself as being overly choosy.

THE 2C MODEL OF DECISION-MAKING

My reason: when it comes to selection of life partner, my considerations are basic and simple. Just the two Cs: Chemistry and Compatibility.

How do I apply this 2C model of decision making?

First, with regard to Chemistry, I ask, "Are we attracted to each other?". If the answer is "Yes", then I proceed on to the next question about Compatibility, when I ask, "Are the two of us a suitable fit for each other - do we make a good team when it comes to building up a family?".

Surely, those two are the bare minimum, standard questions any reasonable person would ask of a prospective life-partner, aren't they? Surely, I am not being too choosy, am I?

SIMPLE AND ELEGANT?

After being grilled on the same question time and again by different friendly interrogators, I realised that the 2C decision-making model may seem simple and elegant, but in the course of applying it in real life, many complexities arise. I shall elucidate briefly:

There are times I say to myself, "She seems like a kind and loving person. Everyone speaks well of her. But I suppose we can only be normal friends, and nothing more, because there is simply no chemistry between the two of us whenever we meet."

Then there are other times when I say, "Even though we find each other attractive, we are just not compatible in so many areas. I think it is best that we do not allow our relationship to proceed beyond that of normal friends."

Inevitably, I find myself in a situation where though objectively, choices and opportunities are aplenty, but subjectively, they are far and few in between.

CHEMISTRY

What exactly do I mean by Chemistry?

Am I talking about a feeling over which I have no control - the spontaneous sense of infatuation and excitement caused by a surge of hormones in my physical body?

Or am I talking about the kind of admiration and respect that I can develop for a person over an extended period of time?

COMPATABILITY

What do I mean by Compatibility?

How do I gauge compatibility in the areas of spirit, soul and body?

To what extent do I insist on my prospective life partner having:
the 1 non-negotiable (i.e. must be a born again believer);
the 2 key qualities (i.e. must be gracious and have practical wisdom), and
the 3 strong preferences (i.e. should share common interests, goals and values with me)?

THINKING TOO MUCH

Recently, after speaking to me over this matter of finding someone and settling down, a dear friend commented, "I think you think too much". I am inclined to agree with her.

However, as much as I regard myself as a fiercely rational and logical man, I also dearly cherish the romantic and idealistic person who has always been in me.

I envy those "heart-people" who can take actions in accordance with what their feelings tell them. And I admire those "mind-people" who can make decisions based on pure hard reasonings alone.

THE ELUSIVE BALANCE

I reckon it is the expectation to balance both the "rational man" and the "romantic man" in me, and the insistence to arrive at a perfectly balanced Chemistry-Compatability decision that have contributed to my still being single.

I suppose that is my long-winded way of saying, "Yes, I am choosy".

So, unlike my friendly interrogators who wonder why I am single, I do not wonder. I know.

THE MOST IMPORTANT C - CHRIST IN ME

Most importantly, I know why I can be happy and fulfilled while being single. I know I have the most important C in my life - Christ in me, my hope of glory.

Jesus Christ loves me wholeheartedly without regard to my suitability as a Bride to Him. He chose me unconditionally without consideration over our Chemistry and Compatibility.

He is my Dearest Family Member. He is my Closest Friend. He is my Most Committed Life-Partner.

I am indeed a greatly blessed man.

Some Thoughts on Prayer - Why and How

Ephesians 6:18:

Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit (NKJV);

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests (NIV)

What is prayer?

Prayer is not for the maintenance of the Christian life.

Prayer is the Christian life.

True prayer is being conscious of God - conscious of Him as our Father, as our Provider, as our Answer.

More specifically, praying in the Spirit is:

- Praying in the consciousness of the new covenant

- Praying in the knowledge of grace

- Praying in the sense of righteousness

One way of looking at this is: praying in the Spirit is being conscious of Jesus and seeing His lovely smile

When do we pray?

As God's beloved children, we pray with all kinds of prayers, in all kinds of seasons, for all kinds of reasons.

Even though God already knows what we need before we pray (Matt 6:8), we still pray, not so much for our Father to know what we want, but more so for us to clarify our own thoughts and intentions, and to locate where we are, in terms of our relationships with Him.

Also, when we pray, we cause ourselves to become more aware of Him (our Answer), instead of being only aware of the circumstances we are in, and the challenges we are facing (our problems).

How do we pray?

We pray both with understanding, as well as with the Spirit. (1 Cor 14:15). Having confidence not in the way we pray, but in the Lord Jesus who intercedes for us always, as well as in the Holy Spirit who prays for, in, and through, us.

We know that because of Jesus our Perfect High Priest, all our prayers (prayed with understanding) are perfect when they reach our Father's ears.

We also know that because of the Holy Spirit who is in us, all our prayers in the Holy Spirit are perfect prayers even when we don't exactly know how to articulate the words of our prayers. We know that our Father loves us so much that even a groan will reach His throne (Rom 8:26).

We pray in Jesus Name: we pray in the consciousness of His authority, character and will. And when we pray with that consciousness, we know we are praying according to His will, and we have confidence that our Father hears us (1 John 5:14).

What about unanswered prayers?

An illustration: two 4-year-old boys (twin brothers) each asks their Father for a shaver. The Father does not give them what they want immediately. One boy walks away knowing his Father loves him, and is content with his father's reassuring word that his request has been heard. The other boy goes away crying and complaining that the Father does not love him anymore.

Same request. Same Father. Same answer. But different reactions. What's the difference? Answer: the respective child's relationship with the Father.

Know that our Father wants to bless us more than we want to be blessed. Know that our Father has our best interest in His heart for us. He has the best answers to our prayers. And His timing is always the best timing.

Focus not on things we pray for, but on the One to whom we pray. As the relationship between us and our Father grows stronger and stronger, we realise more and more that He hears and answers us - every time, all the time.


What about the people who were prayed for and yet passed away?

Know that God's will is for people to have life more abundantly. His will is for his people to prosper and be in health, even as their souls prosper. (3 John 2)

Understand that death is NOT the horrible end-all of everything. Know that our lives on earth are only a short while compared to all eternity. Know that for babies and believers who died, they are in a much better place - they are having the most wonderful with Jesus in heaven.

For people who died, apparently without Christ, trust that God is perfectly just and perfectly loving, and leave things in His hands. There will be many people in heaven we'll get to see that we don't expect to see. However, our part is not to speculate, but to trust in our Father's perfect justice, goodness and wisdom.

Conclusion:

Because we are our Father's beloved children, He wants to, and is already talking and working with us, for us, in us, and through us.

Be conscious of Jesus and His lovely smile.

The success of prayer is not measured by the size and scope of our accomplishment (though that is important). The success of prayer is measured by the strength and depth of our relationships with our Father who loves us.

The power of prayer is not in moving the hand of God. The power of prayer is in being moved by the heart of God. When we are moved by God's heart, we will move in tandem with God's hand.

Prayer is not about looking for rewards. Prayer itself is the reward.

(First published on 30 Sep 2005. Edited and republished on 28 Feb 2009)

A Big and Beautiful Rainbow for My Birthday on 25 February 2009

24 February:

After two full weeks away from Singapore, on the eve of my birthday, I finally got to enjoy a restful sleep at home.

I was happy. Happy to be home. Happy to have had my caregroup celebrate my birthday with me.

Photo taken by 69eFan69 from www.clubsnap.com

25 February 2009:

I found it really cool that the table calendar in my room should, on this very day, be turned to the page with the following verses:

"To all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent...but born of God" (John 1:12-13 NIV).

It was as if my Heavenly Daddy could not wait to remind on my birthday that I am His child. :-)

And I found it really really cool that before the day (which was cool and peaceful, the way I wanted it to be) ended, I got to see the biggest rainbow I had ever seen in my life.

Photo taken by Qazwer from www.clubsnap.com

I could have so easily missed the rainbow.

It was around 7.10pm in the evening, I was in Ang Mo Kio Center, just had my dinner, and was walking down the street toward the MRT station, when I saw a friend's text on my mobile phone telling me about the sighting of a double rainbow.

I looked up, and there, in front of me, was a huge brilliant rainbow in the canvas of the evening sky.

I gasped. It was an awesome sight to behold. "This must be the biggest rainbow I've ever seen in my entire life," I said to myself.

Because of its sheer size, I had to turned my head from left to right (as if I was watching a tennis match) to see it in its entirety.

Photo taken by Hidden3 from www.clubsnap.com

The rainbow was so big and so beautiful - so big and so beautiful that it felt unreal to me. I blinked my eyes several times to make sure what I was seeing was real. It was.

And within a minute or so, the rainbow disappeared.

I was reminded of the rainbow I saw in Israel. http://livelearnloveleavealegacy.blogspot.com/2009/01/after-week-of-touring-in-jordan-and-in.html

I was reminded of God's everlasting covenant of peace.

I was awed. I felt so blessed and so loved.

To me, the rainbow was a big and beautiful birthday gift for me from heaven. :-)

For more photos of the magnificent rainbow captured all around Singapore on 25 Feb 2009, do visit the following webpage: http://www.clubsnap.com/forums/showthread.php?t=481342&page=3

Photo taken by FortyNine from www.clubsnap.com

Balanced Preaching - Law vs Grace vs Lawlessness

When I think about Law and Grace, this is what I see, when I consider only God's system:

• Law vs Grace

But when I look at the bigger picture and include the godless system, this is what I see:-

• Law vs Grace (God's system) vs Lawlessness (godless system)
  

We all know that the preaching of pure Law is legalism and the preaching of lawlessness is Antinomianism. And none of us in our sound mind would support either types of preaching.
They are considered extreme. They are considered to be imbalanced.

So, what is balanced preaching? Some of us suggest that it is a mixture of Law and Grace. Such a conclusion is arrived at because we considered only God's system, i.e. the two covenants, and fail to consider that there is a separate godless system. As a result, this is what we see (erroneously, I believe):

• Law vs Grace = Law vs Lawlessness

We fail to realise that importance of differetiating between:
(a) the comparison of God's convenants (Law and Grace) and
(b) the comparison between God's system (Law and Grace) and the godless system (Lawlessness).

The failure to do so has caused much confusion and misunderstanding in the Church, with regard to the preaching of pure grace.

We should be clear that God's system of covenants is that we are either under one or the other. We cannot mix both. If we mix the two, we nullify both. We cannot mix new wine with old wine skin. If we do so, you lose both. Jesus wants us to be either hot or cold, not luke warm.

The mixture of Law and Grace is Galatianism (which the apostle was agressively against, as recorded in the book of Galatians in the New Testament).

Therefore, my conclusion is as follows:
The preaching of pure Law is Legalism. The preaching of lawlessness is Antinonmianism. Both are extreme and imbalance, and should rightfully be rejected by the Church.

The preacing of a mixture of Law and Grace is Galatianism. It is unbiblical and confusing. It robs the believers of the blessing of enjoying the power of God's covenants. Such preaching should, according to the apostle Paul, be rejected by the Church.

The preaching of pure Grace is preaching of the Gospel of Christ, which is balanced preaching.

The debate (on Law and Grace) continues

Just when some of us thought that the level of understanding about the grace message was improving and a possible reconciliation between the churches (with different approaches to the teaching of Law and Grace) was in sight, fresh rounds of debates are being stirred up again:

Biggest Church Taught to Resist 'Cheap Grace':
http://sg.christianpost.com/dbase.php?cat=education&id=682

NCC Supporters Respond to Antinomian Article
http://sg.christianpost.com/dbase/education/674/section/1.htm

Let's continue to pray for mutual understanding and respect to prevail among the leaders (and the members) of the churches involved, and believe for the day of reconciliation and cooperation to come soon - for the glory of Jesus and for the benefit of the Church.