Thursday, March 5, 2009

Do you believe in love at first sight?

My response to the question, "Do you believe in love at first sight?" is as follows:

I feel the word "love" is used so loosely, it has become confusing rather than useful during communication. The word is used to described uncontrolled, fluctuating FEELINGS. The same word is also used to define an informed DECISION and a deliberate COMMITMENT.

Do I believe in love at first sight? I cannot answer that question until the question is re-framed in terms that are more precise and accurate.

Feelings of attraction and fondness at first sight - Yes

Have I ever had a feeling of fondness for someone I met for the first time? Yes. Have I ever experienced a strong feeling of attraction to someone when I saw her for the first time? Yes.

Do I believe that in future, I may meet someone for the first time and instantly feel a liking for her?
Yes. I don't think that is an unlikely scenario. Do I believe that in future, I will see someone for the first time and experience a strong feeling of attraction to her? Probably, yes.

Decision to a life-long commitment at first sight - No

Have I ever committed my whole life, all that I am and all that I have, to someone I met for the first time? No. Have I ever decided to protect, to provide for, to respect and to cherish someone as long as I live, when I saw her for the first time? No.

Do I believe that in future, I will meet someone for the first time, and I will deliberately commit my whole life - all that I am and all that I have, to her? No. Certainly, not. Do I believe that in future, I will see someone for the first time, and I will make an informed decision to protect, to provide for, to respect and to cherish someone as long as I live? No. I am sure I will not.

From initial feelings (beyond one's control) to life-long commitment (deliberate decision)

Do I believe: (a) I would meet someone, (b) and at first sight, the both of us become mutually attracted/ connected to each other, (c) and after getting to know each other more deeply, we find ourselves compatible/ complimentary to each other in the key areas, (d) and after careful considerations, we decide to commit exclusively to each other in a life-long relationship?

Yes. I believe.

The first part of point (b) though, may read alternately as "after meeting each other over several occasions" rather than "and at first sight".

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